Mommy

I loved you from the start. 

With my heart I found it, easy

I like the way you made me feel. 

I looked at you,

my heart melted. 

You call my name and time stops. 

Each day with you is a blessing. 

You’re mine. 

All of me.

You started in my womb and now you’re free. 

Such a person. 

There’s not enough time. 

Each moment I spend with you will last me a lifetime. 

5/2

I’m scared to let you go. 

Holding back is all I know. 

Your laugh, smile

Touch, and feel

It’s been years. 

The feeling still real. 

The day we lost you,

A part of me left: 

The part of me that lives

With no regret. 

Saying less. 

Giving more. 

I try so hard to live, 

What for.

Wishing for less doubt.  

Faith is the only hope. 

It’s all bout you. 

If you walked though that door. 

To see your face again,

Is a reason to live for. 

Work-versary 

It turns out that good things do happen in March besides Spring. It’s my one year work anniversary!! I’m going to turn-up for God’s strength in keeping me during this time. 

For those of you that don’t know, I am a first grade teacher at an elementary school in Philadelphia. If you’ve read my About Me page, I’ve worked my butt off since high school so I have a lot to brag about (even though I’m definitely the gangster moving in silence type). 

Of course this year has been filled with ups and downs, fears, frustrations, but above all else, fuller faith. I used to hate when people would tell me:

-You have a calling

-You were born to do this. 

-They need you. 

I would look around and literally try to see who they were talking about. To this day, people come into my my building or into my classroom and this is the conversation I wind up having (my responses are always the same: 

Them: How long have you been teaching?

Me: Well, I was with toddlers for almost 2 years and I’ve been here since last March. 

Them: (face drops/mouth gaping) Last March??

Me: Yes, about a year now…

Them: So this is your first year teaching in a school?

Me: (shyly) Yes… 

Them: (usually some combination of these words) Hats off to you, kudos, WOW, you’re amazing, loud clapping, fist bump, etc. 

The crazy thing is that I love my job. Well actually not the “job” in itself, but the work that my job calls for. Each day I have children and families depending on me. I know it’s my first year, but I have so much to offer them. I challenge them to learn through the required curriculum, but I also incorporate music, art, and dance. Not in a cheesy way either. We move to GoNoodle, quick draw our story predictions, or sing silly songs about science and phonics. 

I love being able to go into my little bubble of a classroom, close the door, and be with my children. Their faces light up when when they get something, help a classmate, or share out there answers. If you’ve never been able to see a child’s face light up when they’ve achieved something, it’s awesome-my reason for waking up each day. Here’s to many more days waking up to learn (teach). 

No day is perfect, but every day is new. 

-Jay 🖖🏾

Be free

Many times we barely even spoke. We would sit across from each other and be immersed in thought. The sounds in the house, the cars outside, sometimes even the birds as they flew by. Our worlds are so different, but connected by blood. I see me in you and hope a light will shine from above. Instead: footsteps, a voice, banging on the wall. One little sound and our attention refocused. 

Cleaning. You were always cleaning. I thought I could help, but I didn’t want to be in the way. Of course I also didn’t know what to say. I would wander off and go back to my separate world. One day I noticed something had changed. Our worlds weren’t so separate, but things were more strange. 

She was gone. The hurt that we felt couldn’t be explained to anyone else. The searching, the tears, the unknown. Everything that happened took us well past level 1. I could see it in your eyes. I could smell it on your breath. You held me in your arms and I nearly wept. 

All I yearned for, but didn’t express. I needed you more than I expected. I cherished that moment and held onto it for so long. I wish it happened sooner before our time was gone. 

Love has no boundaries, but it resounds. Let the time continue to heal wounds, don’t lose the progress you’ve gained. I believe in you and forgive you for your mistakes. 
-Jay 🎈

Black boy

Poor black boy. They don’t even know who you are.

The color of your skin,

What they see in their eyes. 
Judge, persecute, betray- then repeat. 

They don’t know you, but they already hate you. 
Poor black boy. 

I am the mother of one.

I want to love you up,

Forever and more. 
I can’t even write this without fear. 

Tears, hurt, anger…everything rolled into one.
Poor black boy.

You aren’t the only one. 

I teach you everyday, 

Instill in you the values that the media takes away. 
You are our future, yet endangered.

I wish I could tell each of you how great you are.

Regardless of your “IQ” or “IEP” you are the one with the strength to move nations. 
Poor black boy. 

I love you, but God loves you more.